Update for Rick

WUSSUP BITCHES?!?!?!

JimBob here. Rick's been WAY too busy bein' a corporate tool lately to update his runnin' blog, so he asked me to update it with the latest "411 from the Rickster".

He knocked out his long run on Sunday. FOUR MILES! Damn! And I'm thinkin', "Isn't Sunday the Lord's day of rest? You know, especially after a night of hard partyin' and illegally crossin' international borders in search of them peyote buttons?"

But noooooooo, he's been on that goddam "sober" thing for over 16 years now. You'd think he'd get tired of that after awhile, right? Nope. I guess it's stuck, cuz for some reason I just can't unnerstand, he seems to be really happy these days. Whatever--more Miller Lite for me!

Anyhow, back to the update. I think he said somethin' about he ran a couple other times this week, maybe three miles one day and some idiotic amount of miles some other day. 'Course that mighta all been a hallucination...them peyote buttons really packed a wallup.

I did get a good laugh the other day tho'. I think it was Wednesday (It's kinda hazy, but I'm pretty sure it was Wednesday cuz that's the day they come to shave my back). Anyhow, he came in from his run bitching (worse than a chick, you know?) about the buttons on his GPS watch. Apparently, they aren't "recessed" (whatever the hell THAT means) and when he wiped the sweat from his face (another reason I don't exercise--sweat? Not on this sculpted body!)...but I tigress.

Anyhow, when he wiped his sweaty face, he accidentally hit the 'off' button on his GPS watch thingie. Next thing he knows, he's thinkin' he's run about 3 miles, but when he looks at his watch it says only 1.5. So he had no idea how far he actually ran cuz his watch had been off most of the time! LMRAO! (laughing my redneck ass off, for you left-wing nutjobs out there. GET A JOB HIPPIES!).

I told him that's Sweet Jesus tellin' him to stop running and get back to drinkin' and partyin', but he just smiled like a goof and said something like 'one day at a time' or some such silly shit. Don't make no sense to me.

Geez, some days I wonder why I even park my pick-up in his driveway.

He left me a note on the toilet bowl rim this morning (he always leaves notes for me there so I can read 'em after my mornin' hangover puke). Said he's gonna try three miles tonight. He thinks he mighta hurt his knee at EZ's last night when he twisted in his chair, so it's gonna be a slow run just to see how it feels.

Hurt his knee? When's that boy gonna listen to Sweet Jesus tryin' to talk to him? Time to quit that runnin' crap and grab a Tall Boy!

Well nice talking to all y'all (even you damn hippies, I guess. GET A JOB!). But it's time for my game shows and I'm thinkin' a little hair of the dog would be right nice.




Rick said to post this little joke after I was done. I don't get it...

From the list of Things You'll Never Hear A Redneck Say: "I'll take Shakespeare for a thousand, Alex."